[-812-10]
(continuation of the short story: [524-2510])
He was a mistake. He was nothing compared to what she had, what she missed and what she longed for lately. She knew that calling him was a mistake. She knew even when she dialed his number that she’d regret it but went on and did it anyway.
It went on. The mistake and her exchanged text messages throughout the afternoon to make plans for later that night. They set a time and a place to see each other and do what they did and what their friendship was basically arranged for.
They knew that the only reason they kept each other around was just for physicality. If it wasn’t for that, then they wouldn’t talk to each other at all. They wouldn’t acknowledge each other in daily life, a party or even online. They only talked to each other when the other person needed them, or more so, what the other person could do for them.
It wasn’t like she needed it. It wasn’t like she wanted it. It was more like she needed to prove to herself that the one she wanted and the one that she missed, wasn’t the only person she could turn to.
It was a bad habit she had. She knew about her habit. She had done it to every single guy before him. Once it ended, she’d turn to another to get over it. And so she did.
* * *
They met up. She walked down to the parking lot to let him into the complex and made small talk along the way.
“So it’s been a while… how have you been?” she asked her usual mistake.
“Fine, you haven’t called me in a while.”
“There wasn’t a need to,” she said.
“Oh it was one of those calls?” her mistake asked.
“Yes, do you have a problem with that?”
“Not at all. Heck, it starts a whole new season…” he added.
“We’ll see,” she said as she unlocked the door to her apartment, took him by the hand, and led him to the room.
* * *
He didn’t last five minutes. He wasn’t what she recalled. He wasn’t good at all. In her mind, she knew it would suck the moment he kissed her. After letting him out she deleted his number out of her phone. He didn’t serve his purpose anymore and they really weren’t friends. So to her there wasn’t any reason to keep a bad experience, bad choice and bad mistake in her phone book anymore.
* * *
She walked out on her balcony after it all and stared up at the sky. She couldn’t believe what she did. She committed the same bad habit that she always did, but this time she kind of hated herself for it.
She hunched over and placed her hands on her neck. Closed her eyes and faced the moon, taking in a deep breath. She wrapped her fingers around the cold iron gate fence and didn’t want to open her eyes- like if she did she’d be back in reality. She shook her head and deleted the history in her phone and the exchanged text messages from this morning.
Because at least the last time this happened, she had intrigue. She had emotion. There was something there at the underbelly of what she did that fueled the action. She understood that the last time this happened- she had feelings for him.
But what she just did was meaningless. Heck, she wasn’t even attracted to the guy. He didn’t mean anything to her. She didn’t even care. It was nothing. She was empty and he was her mistake.
This time around she knew that he wasn’t a mistake like she initially thought a few months back, he was so much more. But what she just did with the true mistake, a guy that didn’t even matter- now he and that “friendship”, or more so “arrangement”, was the largest regret she’s had faced in a long time.
She realized at that moment, she had actually cared for him. She faced the fact that she had feelings for him, that she was too afraid to admit. But she also knew that she had missed her chance, the opportunity had passed and the one she wanted, the one that she longed for- they could never be.
